My Soul Then Sings Read online

  Jamaal sighed. “You’re right. I didn’t have an excuse. I just wanted—”

  “To get laid?” Brian chuckled. “I do understand, but you knew what you were getting into when you dated Karlie.”

  “She’s worth it,” Jamaal said.

  Brian pictured Karlie in his mind. Her hair, her smile, her beautiful aura. “I agree. Karlie is a special girl.”

  “But I’m furious with you for taking advantage of her, Brian,” Jamaal said. “When I saw that picture, I nearly lost my mind. How could you do that to me?”

  Brian wandered over to the chaise lounge in his room. “I didn’t sleep with her. We shared a bed because I was sick, and she was worried about me. Karlie meant to send that to me as a joke. That’s all it was. A prank gone wrong. Nothing more.”

  Jamaal snorted. “You must think I was born last night. You’re tripping over her. If Karlie let you, you’d hit that without hesitation.”

  “Yes, I would,” Brian said. “Well, before today, I would’ve.”

  “What happened today?”

  Brian heard the curiosity in Jamaal’s voice. He hesitated for a beat, but Brian knew Jamaal needed to know the sordid truth. “My father told us he might be Karlie’s father.”

  Following that announcement, there was a small crash, noise, and bumbling before Jamaal came back on the line. “I was so shocked, I dropped my phone,” he said. “Did you say you and Karlie might be brother and sister?”

  Brian’s heart skipped a beat. “Yes.” After that single word, his spirit plummeted. How he wished it was not true. He did not want Karlie as a sister.

  “Wow. Here I am thinking you and Karlie had something going on, and . . . I had no idea . . .”

  “That makes two of us. So, as of now, the line has been drawn.”

  Emotionally, though, Brian was confused. He shoved any inappropriate feelings in the inner recesses of his heart. They were filed under the “to be tackled” box of his mind at a later date.

  “Now I feel stupid.” Jamaal groaned. “I’ve got to call Karlie. I owe her a big apology for violating her trust.”

  Brian rubbed it in. “She cried for hours after you left. She was inconsolable. I think she’s sleeping now, but you should give her a call.”

  “I know she’ll forgive me,” Jamaal said, “but I don’t know if she’ll give me another chance.”

  “I don’t think you deserve one.”

  “That’s not your call, and you’d better not poison Karlie against me,” Jamaal threatened.

  Brian wasn’t intimidated. “I think you’re doing a bang-up job of ruining your relationship without any interference from me.”

  “I’ll be praying. God can help me.”

  “You do that.”

  Brian disconnected the call and tossed his phone on the bed. Brothers like Jamaal infuriated him. Jamaal seemed only to know God when it was convenient. He had been messing with Camesha for months, not once as he had claimed. Jamaal preached the Bible and quoted verses in one breath, and then talked trash to the girls with another.

  Brian shook his head. He wasn’t like Jamaal. He revered God too much to make a commitment he couldn’t keep. However, when he expressed that sentiment to Karlie, she dismissed him as making excuses.

  “No one is able to keep that commitment,” she had said. “Only God can help us.”

  After Jamaal’s actions, Brian believed she was right. He was fast realizing, if and when he needed salvation, he had better rely on God. Karlie had taught him that.

  Brian rapped on the connecting door before entering. He meandered through tossed articles of clothing and approached the bed. Burrowed under her blanket, Karlie’s body shook and he could hear her sobs.

  Without hesitation, he slipped next to her, remaining above the blanket, and cuddled her close.

  Karlie convulsed into fresh tears. Brian’s heart melted at her pain. He’d only seen her cry like this the months after her mother died.

  “Hush, it will get better,” he whispered.

  “I don’t know who I am,” she stammered. “I don’t know what I’m feeling. I just . . .”

  “Did you pray?”

  Karlie shook her head.

  “We can’t have that now, can we?” Brian rolled off the bed to snag some tissues. Gently he made her face him and blotted her tears. Her red, pudgy face tore at his heart. “Pray with me.” He took her hand. “I have all kinds of questions for God, and I need your help. Please.”

  She lifted her shoulders and took a deep breath. With a nod, Karlie sank to her knees. Her strong grip on his hand made Brian bend his knees and join her by the side of the bed.

  She closed her eyes and Brian observed her from under his lashes. His admiration for her grew as she gathered her strength. Even in her pain, she was willing to pray with him. Karlie was a true woman of God.

  “Lord, I know you’re not the author of confusion,” Karlie prayed. “Right now, Brian and I are hurting. We’re uneasy and so . . .”

  “. . . discombobulated,” he said.

  She squeezed his hand. “We need your peace. We need your strength. Brian and I cast everything on you because you are able to take us through anything. We can face anything with you guiding us.”

  “What she said,” Brian whispered.

  “Lead us, Lord. Comfort us. Lord, let us see your will even through this turmoil. I pray this prayer in Jesus’ name. Amen.” Karlie attempted to stand.

  Brian tugged her back to the floor. “I have something to say.”

  She tilted her chin but quickly recovered from her surprise. “Go ahead.”

  “Lord, help Karlie keep her faith in you. I need her to keep telling me about you because it’s working. Also, if by some miracle you can change genetics, I would sincerely appreciate it. Amen.”

  Brian released Karlie’s hand and stood.

  Karlie chuckled. “God doesn’t change genetics. It’s like gravity. It’s set already from the foundation.”

  “That’s my prayer,” he said. “Didn’t you tell me I needed to pour out what I feel?”

  “Yes, but . . .”

  “But, nothing,” he said. “That’s how I feel.”

  Karlie didn’t argue the point. Instead, she touched his arm. “I’m glad God brought you into my life. Thanks for always keeping it real.”

  “That’s me. That’s what I do.”

  Chapter Twenty-five

  “Thanks for meeting with us on such short notice,” Ryan said as he and Patricia entered Neil and Myra’s three-bedroom half-dormered cape-style home replete with fireplace and a huge backyard.

  He hated to disrupt their lives, but Ryan couldn’t have Karlie break the news to them. He had to confront Neil himself. He had prayed plenty on the way to Neil’s house because he needed all the support he could get.

  Ryan was counting on Neil being a minister because ministers preached about forgiveness and all that. He hoped Neil would live what he preached.

  “I made dinner. I figured you might be hungry after your flight. Addison is at a sleepover tonight so it’s just the four of us,” Myra said, walking toward the kitchen.

  “How thoughtful,” Patricia said. “I’ll come help you.”

  Ryan inhaled. Whatever Myra had prepared had his mouth watering. His stomach grumbled.

  He followed Neil to the living area. Ryan eyed the baby grand resting on a rug in the corner. He wondered if Karlie played as her mother had done.

  “So, how are my daughter and Brian doing?” Neil asked, interrupting his thoughts. “Are they ready to come home yet?”

  Ryan willed himself to remain casual. “They were adamant about staying.”

  Neil laughed. “I wish they would give up this crazy scheme and get back into their books. But Karlie wants to sing.” He shrugged. “For the life of me, I can’t understand what singing has to do with posting stunts on YouTube. What happened to good old-fashioned singing and showcasing your talent?”

  Ryan nodded. “I agree. These days it is
n’t about raw talent. It’s about image and followers. You can use technology to enhance everything else.”

  “The sad thing is Karlie doesn’t need anything else,” Neil said. “She has the voice. She doesn’t need the gimmicks. All Karlie needs to do is sing from her soul. Let everything pour out and bless the world.”

  “You and I may know that,” Ryan said, “but our words mean nothing. Karlie has to see it for herself.”

  “Still ranting about Karlie and Brian, I see,” Myra said, entering the room. “Let’s get to the dinner table.”

  Ryan and Neil complied. Neil said grace for everyone and soon everyone savored the meat loaf, mashed potatoes, and coleslaw. Ryan sopped up his biscuits into the juiciest gravy he had ever eaten.

  He wiped his mouth and patted his stomach. “Myra, that was delicious. You outdid yourself. The meat loaf was tasty, and your gravy needs to be patented.”

  Myra blushed.

  “No one cooks like Myra,” Neil bragged.

  Plunking a huge slice of chocolate cake on his plate, Neil asked, “So, I know you didn’t just come here to get fat off Myra’s cooking. What’s going on?”

  Ryan saw Patricia wipe her mouth with her napkin and lower it in slow motion. His chest tightened. The moment had arrived. Lord, give me the strength to do this.

  “Please don’t tell me Karlie is pregnant,” Myra said with a hand cupped to her mouth.

  “Karlie isn’t pregnant,” Ryan said. He watched two sets of shoulders relax with relief. “She is devastated, however, and it’s all my fault.”

  Neil dropped his fork and pinned Ryan with a steel glance.

  Ryan pushed back his chair and stood, feeling it would give him an edge. “I told Karlie I might be her father.”

  Myra’s breath caught, and Neil jumped to his feet.

  Ryan rushed on. “I paid the lab tech to give me the results first. When he told me I was the father, I paid him to say it was Clifford.”

  Neil gripped the table. “Then why did you say ‘might be’? It sounds like you are her father. You’re the punk who deserted her when she needed you most.” He closed the distance between them filled with fury. “Karlie and I lied to Tiffany and told her Thomas was Karlie’s father. We lied because you didn’t have the guts to claim her!”

  “How could you?” Myra asked. “Why would you do that to her?”

  “I was a horrible parent to Brian,” Ryan said. “I know now that’s no excuse.”

  Ryan watched Neil grapple with the words before he lifted his hands. “Why? Why tell it now? And, after all this time!”

  “I just gave my life to God and my conscience . . . I had to tell her the truth.”

  Myra rounded the table to confront him. “No, it wasn’t your conscience. You told us because of the YouTube videos. You saw the chemistry between her and Brian. That’s the only reason why you’re confessing.”

  Patricia followed the smaller woman. “I’m sorry,” she said.

  Myra allowed Patricia to enfold her in her arms.

  “Well, yes,” Ryan said, “but God has been speaking to me. I told my pastor, and he said I needed to right this wrong by confessing.”

  Ryan watched Neil’s muscles flex under his dress shirt as if Neil wanted to hit him. Ryan couldn’t blame him.

  “I’ve got to call Karlie,” Myra said. She departed from the room with Patricia in tow.

  Ryan heard Myra’s loud sob echo throughout the house and his insides withered. He felt like the worst human being on the planet.

  “You’re a selfish . . .” Neil shook his head. “I thought Merle was vicious, but she’s a lollipop compared to you. You’re a jawbreaker.”

  Ryan squinted at the analogy. The Holy Spirit was obviously tempering Neil’s vocabulary.

  “I didn’t think,” Ryan said. “Once you adopted her, I felt at peace with my decision. Until I gave my life to God.”

  “I know you keep bringing Him up because you know I’m a child of God,” Neil said, “but this is some tough news.”

  Ryan gulped. “We’ve become friends. I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.”

  “Don’t talk to me about forgiveness! You didn’t hurt me. You hurt my child. Karlie has been through so much. I don’t understand why you would do this to her. She needed a father.”

  “She had you,” Ryan said.

  He saw a hand flash near him and curled his body on instinct. If Neil hits me . . .

  The ladies returned to the room. Both had reddened eyes. Myra hadn’t been able to reach Karlie.

  “I need to take a paternity test.”

  “Why?” Neil folded his arms. Probably to keep from hitting him.

  Ryan explained Patricia’s involvement. She squirmed under their derision but let Ryan do all the talking. He held Patricia close. He wasn’t about to let anyone come near her.

  “Not cool,” Myra said. “You two are playing games with people’s lives.” She hiccupped as she attempted to control the tears threatening to fall.

  “I’m sorry,” Patricia said. “I am truly sorry, Myra.”

  “I need to speak to my daughter,” Neil said. “Please get out of my house. You can show yourselves out.”

  Ryan and Patricia hobbled out of the Jamesons’ home.

  “We’ve lost our friends,” Patricia sobbed.

  “They’ll come around,” Ryan said. “This is a lot for them to process. They need time.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  He nodded with confidence. Neil and Myra were upset, but God would speak to their hearts. His son, however, was another matter. Ryan didn’t have enough “I’m sorrys” to cure what ailed Brian.

  As Patricia pulled out of the driveway, Ryan hunched into his seat. How could I let things go this far?

  My son is in love with his sister.

  “I wonder how Brian and Karlie are doing,” Patricia said. They were almost home. “Neither one would answer my call.”

  “Mine, either.”

  Patricia yawned. “I’ll try again before they leave on their next excursion. I think they’re going mudding, if I remember right.”

  “Yes, Yentl and Griffin confirmed their plans.”

  She slanted a glance his way. “You spoke to Yentl and Griffin?”

  He gave her a curt nod before turning to look out the window.

  Her senses went on alert. Ryan wasn’t telling her something. Patricia pulled into the driveway and pressed the garage door opener.

  Once inside, Ryan reached for the door handle, but she gripped his arm. “Ryan, why are you speaking to Yentl and Griffin?”

  “Um . . . I made contact with them to check up on Brian and Karlie,” he said.

  Ryan jumped out of the car and went into the house. Patricia watched his jerky movements and wrinkled her nose. There’s something he’s not telling me.

  She opened the door and got out, activating the alarm before following Ryan upstairs. He was loosening his tie and doing everything but making eye contact.

  “Why are you in contact with Yentl and Griffin?” she asked again.

  Ryan shrugged. “I told you. Why the third degree?”

  “What aren’t you telling me?” she insisted.

  He met her gaze. “If you must know, I paid Yentl and Griffin to sabotage Brian and Karlie’s trips.”

  She craned her neck forward. “You did what?”

  “I couldn’t pay them off like I did the others, so I had Yentl and Griffin create some minor mishaps to make Brian and Karlie abandon their stupid plans.”

  Patricia’s eyes widened. “Mishaps? Is that what you’re calling getting our son and Karlie almost killed?” she screamed.

  “They . . . I . . . I didn’t want them hurt,” Ryan stammered.

  Her eyes blazed. “Brian was hanging on for dear life hundreds of feet in the air. Then he and Karlie ended up in water full of alligators, and you say you didn’t want them hurt?”

  He backed away. “That wasn’t supposed to happen,” he said, “And I stoppe
d after the alligator incident. I told Yentl and Griffin no more.”

  “So that automatically makes it all right.”

  “No,” Ryan said. He mopped his brow with the back of his hand.

  “I don’t believe you,” she raged. “What kind of man are you becoming? You put your children in danger because you’re selfish and wicked. You only think about yourself.”

  He got into her face. “I don’t think about myself. I was thinking of you, Patti. I didn’t want—”

  “Spare me,” she scoffed. She jutted her chin in the air. “Look at you. You’ve changed, Ryan. You’re all about power and money. It wasn’t me or Brian you were trying to protect. It was your money. Your business. That’s your true love.”

  Ryan shook his head. “No. I love you, and I love my son.”

  “And what about Karlie?” she challenged.

  “I—I was protecting her too,” he said.

  “Hah!” Patricia folded her arms. “I have no more words for you. Words that a Christian could say, anyway.” She shook her head. “It’s a shame because I’m realizing I don’t know you. How can I love someone I don’t know?”

  Patricia roamed the house. She kept replaying the conversation with Neil and Myra. Their faces tormented her sleep.

  She couldn’t believe Ryan had been desperate and stupid enough to put his children’s lives in danger. After twenty-odd years together, Patricia had thought she knew Ryan, but she was fast discovering she didn’t know him at all. She didn’t even know herself. She felt they were sorry excuses for Christians.

  Wandering into the kitchen, she eyed the microwave clock. It was almost midnight. Patricia needed to rest but her cell phone beeped.

  Seeing the hospital number on her screen, she swiped the answer button.

  “We have an accident victim, Colton Seaver. Severe brain trauma.”

  “I’m on my way.”

  Though she didn’t feel worthy, Patricia lowered her head to pray. A clear head was a must for surgery, and she was going to need God’s help to take her through tonight. She couldn’t allow her personal situation to affect her professional life. Lives were at stake.

  After several heartfelt words of prayer, Patricia departed. She swatted at a mosquito buzzing in her ear and entered her vehicle. She drove on automatic pilot and snagged the last physician’s spot in the hospital parking lot. Patricia sped through the beehive, otherwise known as the emergency room, and asked about her patient.