My Soul Then Sings Read online

  “You’re worried about them developing feelings for each other from being in close proximity,” Pastor Ward said.

  Yes. Pastor Ward understood his angst.

  Ryan exhaled. He sat in the chair. “To make things worse, both Patricia and Brian believe I have a thing for Karlie. Patti and I haven’t made love in weeks. I still want her, but this guilt is eating away at me. God has been speaking to me to tell the truth. Every day I tell myself I will own up to my wrongs but . . .” He glanced at his watch, shocked that he’d only been speaking for just over ten minutes. It felt like hours.

  “Ryan, the thing about secrets is that they do come out eventually,” Pastor Ward said. “Look at me. You’ve heard me talk enough about my past to know nothing remains hidden. I was in love with my brother’s wife and had children with her. I kept my secret until the whole thing played out on national television. I’m sure you’ve seen the clips so I won’t elaborate. What I will say is you’re right about God telling you to confess.” Pastor Ward leaned forward. “You need to tell Brian and Karlie the truth immediately. How do you know something hasn’t already happened?”

  Ryan shook his head. “No, Karlie isn’t that kind of a girl. She’s a Christian, and she’s with Jamaal.”

  “She’s also a woman with feelings. Temptation is a strong force even for the most stable believers. How does Brian feel about her?”

  Ryan chewed his bottom lip. “See, that’s what has me up at night. I can’t sleep. Brian likes her. He told me so himself.”

  Pastor shifted further into his chair. “That was your opening to tell him the truth. How could you let your son and his raging hormones go on the road with your daughter?”

  Ryan clutched his stomach. “It’s repulsive. I tried sabotaging them so they’d give up and come home. But they’re thickheaded. Like me, I guess.”

  Pastor Ward stood and came over to him. “Ryan, I urge you not to let another day go by keeping this to yourself. Tell Patricia, Brian, and Karlie tonight. I’m going to pray with you, and, yes, God will forgive you, but you still have to face the consequences. You were man enough to do it, so be man enough to own up to it. I want us to meet again soon. Bring Patricia in with you next time. I’ll ask Dianne to check my schedule and arrange a day and time.”

  Ryan put his face in his hands. “Patti won’t forgive me for this so easy. And, Brian,” he sobbed. “Brian will hate me. He won’t want to have anything to do with me.” He shook his head. “Then there’s Karlie. I can’t even imagine how she’ll react.” He looked up at Pastor Ward. “I don’t think I can do it. I can’t lose my family.”

  Pastor Ward helped him to his feet. “Think about this. You made Karlie because of one careless night. What if Brian and Karlie do get together by chance? Your son and your daughter might give you your first grandchild. You’re worried about your future, but what about theirs? Would they be able to live with themselves after that?”

  Overcome, Ryan shook his head. “I’ve made a mess of things.”

  “I do have a question, though,” Pastor Ward said. “Why was it easier to tell your wife about your indiscretion with Tiffany Knightly, but not easy to tell her that you had a child with her?”

  Oh, Lord, Pastor is good. Nothing gets by him. Ryan voiced his deepest pain. “Brian wasn’t our only child,” he whispered. “Around the time of all this madness, Patti hinted she might be pregnant. She was elated. Just before the paternity results, Patti had lost our baby, who, as it turns out, died in utero. She was actually four months along.” Ryan lowered his head. “Our Anna, that’s what we named her, died.” His smile was filled with sadness. “A little girl. We’ve never conceived since though we tried, and we never spoke about Anna to anyone. I know Patti still grieves for her.”

  Ryan shook himself to the present. “I knew I didn’t want to bring a daughter into the mix. It would’ve been a slap in Patti’s face.”

  “Karlie could’ve been a comfort,” Pastor Ward said. “Why didn’t you consider that?”

  Chapter Sixteen

  “You need to keep your hands off my girlfriend!” were Jamaal’s first words, five p.m. that Monday evening, before pushing his way into Brian’s suite at Sarasota’s Ritz-Carlton Hotel.

  Brian stepped back. “Whoa! Dude, I haven’t touched Karlie.”

  “You think I don’t know you want her? I’ve seen the YouTube videos. It’s written all over your face.”

  Jamaal’s squared shoulders said he was here for a fight. Brian wrinkled his lips. He was no punk and was ready for whatever Jamaal was bringing.

  Brian pounced into Jamaal’s space. “You were the one who didn’t want to come. Whatever happens is on you.”

  Jamaal shoved him so hard, Brian lost his balance and fell to the floor. He scrambled to his feet, raised his fist, and clocked Jamaal on his lower chin, snapping back Jamaal’s head.

  Jamaal’s responding fist just missed Brian’s face.

  Karlie must have heard the commotion. She raced through the connecting door and grabbed Jamaal. “Jamaal! Stop this nonsense this instant! You two are behaving like children, and I’m not having it.”

  Jamaal rounded on her. “Why you jumping on me?” He swung his head to where Brian stood, huffing. “He’s the one who’s all up in your Kool-Aid, and you’re too stupid to see it.”

  Karlie’s harsh intake of breath propelled Brian into motion. “You’re not going to talk to her like that.”

  Jamaal set his face like a boxing champion in the ring. Brian could see he meant business, but so did he.

  “I’ll talk to my woman any way I please,” Jamaal spat.

  “Not while I’m standing here,” Brian snapped back. His body shook as he struggled to rein in his temper.

  “Brian, I don’t need you jumping to my defense like you’re Superman,” Karlie said. “I’m capable of handling my own business.” She turned to face Jamaal. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I’m not some ghetto girl off the streets. You’re not going to be demeaning toward me because I’m not having it.”

  “I know you’re not,” Jamaal said. He placed his hands on his knees and took several breaths to calm himself. “I’m sorry, Karlie. I shouldn’t have come at you like that.”

  Her neck rocked back and forth. “Don’t get it twisted. You’ll be picking yourself up off the floor if you try a dumb move like that again.”

  Jamaal held up his hands. He wandered over to the chair by the hotel desk and slumped into it.

  “Brian, can you give us a minute?” Karlie asked.

  Brian wasn’t going anywhere. No way was he leaving Karlie with this hothead. Brian folded his arms. “I’ll stay.”

  Karlie tugged on Jamaal’s shirt for him to stand.

  Jamaal meekly complied.

  “Let’s go into my room and talk this through,” Karlie said. She cut her eyes at Brian before shutting the connecting door with a click.

  Brian relaxed. He could kick himself for getting riled. Jamaal had every right to be upset. If Karlie was his girlfriend, he would be beyond mad.

  Brian grabbed his MacBook off the bed and pulled up the most recent “Adventures of Karlie Knightly” YouTube video. As he watched the clip, he relived every moment and every scene. He admitted that the forehead kiss was intimate. Putting himself in Jamaal’s shoes, Brian could see how Jamaal could mistake the kiss for something more than it was. However, a kiss on the forehead didn’t mean love.

  Brian doubted he had ever been in love.

  The closest he had come to feeling such strong emotions had been when he was with Tanya McAdams, Karlie’s best friend through high school. But once she had moved away, he had returned to his old ways. He loved women, and there was enough of him to go around, so why settle for one?

  Brian moseyed into the bathroom. Looking at himself in the mirror, he acknowledged that Dr. Kirkpatrick had been right. At fourteen, when he was acting up and getting kicked out of every school, his parents had taken him to see a psychologist. Dr. Kirkpatrick
had made him recognize his anger at his parents for being so consumed with each other that they had excluded him. She had pointed out that he kept himself emotionally detached because he was afraid of getting hurt.

  That all changed because of Tiffany and Karlie. They touched his heart. He had loved Tiffany as a mother, and now he admitted that Karlie warmed his heart. She inspired protectiveness, a rare tenderness that he welcomed.

  Was he in love?

  No. Brian would not go that far, but Karlie made him feel something. She loved him, and she saw the good in him. If he were ever to take a chance on love, it would be with someone like Karlie. She was beautiful, intelligent, and almost as smart as he was. Qualities he found hard to resist.

  Brian smiled, remembering how he had tutored her in math in high school. Karlie had been a capable student and the two-year difference had seemed more like twenty. Then as the years went on, she became his best friend, and he realized every day she was very much grown and a woman. Brian and Karlie had never crossed the line of friendship, but he toyed with the idea. The more he was around her, the more appealing it became.

  “Why was the connecting door open?” Jamaal asked.

  Karlie creased her forehead. Was he insinuating something? “Why should I close it? Brian’s my friend. He’s not a pervert or a rapist who’s going to attack me in the middle of the night. Take a good look at him. He could have any woman he wants! Why would he want me?”

  “Why wouldn’t he?” Jamaal asked in a much-calmer tone. His eyes softened. “You’re beautiful. You’re sassy. You don’t even know your own appeal.” He walked closer to her with every word. “I can’t be within feet of you and not want to do this.”

  Jamaal crushed his lips to hers and kissed her until Karlie forgot how mad she was at him.

  It wasn’t until Jamaal squeezed her bottom that Karlie withdrew from his arms. “Jamaal, we can’t do this.”

  “I know,” he said, taking a step back. “But now you see what I mean?” He stuffed both hands into his jeans.

  Karlie was surprised he had not argued with her. “I see what you mean.”

  “You’re mine. I’ve waited all these years to claim you as my bride.”

  Karlie scrunched her nose. Jamaal sounded a bit too possessive for her tastes. He was marking his territory. Typical alpha male. She was not going to let it slide. “I’m my own person. The only person who has a claim on me is God. He earned it when He died for me.”

  Jamaal backed down. “All right. I can’t compete with that.” He looked at his watch. “My flight leaves tomorrow morning at seven. I can’t miss my classes. Coach is going to rip into me real good for missing practice tonight.”

  “That’s why you should have taken the summer off,” Karlie wanted to say. She hated seeing Jamaal go but knew voicing her thoughts would start another argument. “Well, let’s enjoy tonight. I don’t want us fighting. I think you owe Brian an apology. He saved my life out there.”

  “He wouldn’t have to save your life if you weren’t on these crazy adventures,” Jamaal mumbled.

  Karlie shook her head. “I’m going to tell you like I told my parents. I’m not going home. I’m seeing this through. With Brian.”

  Jamaal twisted his mouth but said nothing.

  She heard pounding through the connecting door. “Not now, Brian!” she yelled.

  “Karlie, open up! You’re not going to believe this!”

  She eyed Jamaal. He nodded to signify he was cool. Good. She could not handle any more fighting between them.

  “You landed a TV show!” Brian screamed. “This is so cool. I told you the YouTube videos were a good idea. They want to call the show The Misadventures of Karlie and Brian and are looking to start taping sometime in January. I gave them Winona’s contact information so she can handle our contract negotiations. They’ve even offered Yentl and Griffin contracts as well. This is a win-win for all of us.” He stepped closer to her with bright eyes.

  Karlie had never seen Brian so excited. She giggled at his boyish delight. Brian was always too cool for words. He was jumping up and down like a kid.

  “What about college?” Jamaal asked. “And how is this supposed to help your singing career?”

  Jamaal asked some great questions. Karlie wrung her hands.

  Brian’s eagerness deflated. “Reality shows are not twenty-four hours, so she could continue going to school. She wouldn’t need to take a semester off. I’m sure Winona can work that out with the network.” He waved his hands dismissively. “And as far as a singing career, are you forgetting Tamar Braxton? Do you think Tamar would have made it if it wasn’t for the Braxton reality show?”

  Karlie swayed to Brian’s side of the argument. He had given this much thought. “They could do snippets of me recording and singing while we go on our next adventure,” she said.

  “The adventures would be carefully thought out and planned,” Brian said.

  “I’m not feeling this,” Jamaal stated. “Karlie, you hated seeing your mother’s face plastered on tabloids. Remember that time we were leaving the movie theater and you saw some crazy headline?”

  Karlie nodded. Boy, did she remember. It was after her mother’s funeral. Some idiot posted a picture of a gaunt Tiffany with the caption, “TIFFANY’S SECRET BULIMIA BATTLE.” The tabloid cover had messed her up that night.

  By this time, both men stood by her sides. Jamaal was on her right, and Brian was on the left. Great. She did not miss the devil and the angel analogy.

  Brian took her hand briefly. Karlie didn’t miss Jamaal’s reaction. He folded his arms with displeasure but didn’t say anything.

  “This is your chance,” Brian said. “You have to take it. You have to grab onto your dream. What if this was what you were meant to do?”

  Karlie went to look out the hotel window. She saw the bright stars and pictured herself up there shining with them. Karlie closed her eyes and visualized thousands of people lifting their hands in worship, calling out the name of Jesus and singing right along with her. In a selfish moment of clarity, Karlie accepted a simple fact.

  She wanted to sing.

  Her eyes begged Jamaal to understand. When he turned from her, she knew he realized her decision. Then Karlie rested her eyes on Brian. His beaming eyes were like an arrow to her heart. She touched her chest in reaction and a small smile formed that widened as surety set in.

  Then she said the words that would seal her fate.

  “I’m in.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Patricia dragged her hands through her curls at a little past eight p.m. She stood with such force that the rolling chair spun across the floor. The twin’s first surgery was scheduled for mid-October. Her eyes burned from drills and run-throughs, but she wasn’t taking any chances.

  Prayers and practice were her game plans for two-out-of-two. Patricia wanted both twins to survive. She would not be satisfied with simply one surviving. As part of the protocol, the team was prepared to save whichever twin proved stronger during the surgery, but she didn’t plan to ever have to choose.

  Bending over to touch her toes, Patricia released the kinks in her lower back. She needed to go home.

  But her home did not feel like home without Ryan by her side. Patricia knew she was throwing a private pity party but could not snap out of her funk. She missed the warmth of his body pressed to hers.

  She lifted her hair with her hands and nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a pair of masculine hands on her shoulders. She would have screamed had she not heard Timothy’s voice.

  “Shh,” he said. “Relax. Let me ease your tension.”

  Since when did he get so bold?

  She shrugged him off. “What do you think you’re doing?” She moved away from him toward the exit.

  Timothy dropped his voice suggestively. “You’ve been here for days. I just wanted to see if you could use a friend.”

  Friend? Patricia studied Tim for several seconds. She understood what he was offering.
Maybe she had given out a distress signal that she wasn’t feeling so desirable, and the hound dog had come barking. Timothy had abs and biceps to spare. Many of the nurses swooned in his presence, yet he had never spared them a single glance. Now, she knew why. He was interested in her. But instead of feeling flattered, she felt exasperated.

  Patricia smiled. “Tim, thanks for the offer, but I don’t need a friend. My husband has been my best friend for years, so that job’s taken.”

  He blinked. “I um . . . I just thought . . .”

  She arched an eyebrow. “Thought that because you’ve seen me here a few nights that there must be trouble at home?”

  He gave a little nod.

  She lifted her chin. “I assure you all is well. Anna and Alyssa need the best team, and since that includes you, I’m hoping we can put this behind us as a misunderstanding and move on.”

  He shook his head. “But I thought . . .”

  “No, Tim . . .”

  “But the way you’ve been acting—”

  “No,” Patricia interrupted. “Are we good?”

  “Yes,” Timothy said, and he departed.

  Her shoulders sagged with relief. Timothy was an excellent surgeon and she would have hated to replace him on her team, yet part of her couldn’t respect how he had given up so easily. If you’re going to proposition a man’s wife, you should at least display a little gumption.

  Patricia cracked up. She sashayed over to her mirror. “You still got it, girl.” Tim was ten years younger, and it was extremely flattering. She raked her hands over her body. “You want a piece of this, Tim?” She puckered her lips at her reflection and said in her best Marilyn Monroe impression, “Sorry, it’s already been claimed.”

  Too bad Ryan hadn’t been claiming it lately.

  She slapped her thighs with sudden decisiveness because that was about to change. God had used that small incident with Tim to show her someone still desired her.

  Her fragile confidence restored, Patricia made up her mind. She was going home. No more sleeping in the guest room. Tonight, she was going to remind Ryan of what he was missing.