My Soul Then Sings Read online

  A verse from Genesis teased her mind. What was it again? With quick steps, Patricia went to her computer and clicked on her Bible app. Then she clicked the search button and typed in the words. After typing “living soul” in the search bar, her verse popped up.

  She gave a sound of exultation. Genesis 2:7 said, “And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.”

  Walking back over to the dolls, she pondered on the Word. Though man can create humanlike structures, they could not breathe life into them. She smiled. Now, if God would breathe some life into her marriage . . .

  Patricia pushed the thought aside. She needed to think on positive things to prepare for what many deemed an impossible surgery. Though she had studied the charts in depth, Patricia opened the folders and snuck a look at the snapshot of Anna and Alyssa. The twins drew her to them, especially Anna.

  Patricia knew why.

  She used a small key from her keychain and went to her desk to unlock the middle drawer. With a slight tremble to her hands, she withdrew the sole content of the drawer—a 3-D photograph of a baby. Hers.

  A tear escaped. Where had that come from? Patricia had stashed it away. She dropped the picture back inside and slammed the drawer shut. She whipped around and closed her eyes, wishing she could forget the little face and tiny hand on her daughter’s face.

  Patricia wandered into the small back room and pulled out the couch bed. She didn’t bother to make the bed or change her clothes. Instead, she plopped on top of the hard mattress to catch a couple hours of sleep.

  But her mind was on the picture.

  Her baby had been four months in utero when she died. Patricia had named her Anna . . .

  She raked her hands through her hair. Tomorrow, she and Timothy would begin their first simulated surgery. They would practice together before bringing the other doctors and nurses in. Then there would be several practice runs before she attempted the impossible.

  Her Anna hadn’t made it past the womb, but this Anna had. Anna Velasquez was her second chance. Patricia clenched her fists. Lord, help me. Help me save this one.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Do gators sleep?” Brian nudged Karlie with his elbow.

  They were waiting in line to rent their kayaks at the Almost Heaven Kayak Adventures in Sarasota.

  Brian had chosen the Myakka River route because of the huge number of alligators in the water. He said viewers would tune in for that.

  Karlie thrust her chin in the air, ignoring him. She waved her hands in circles to keep the Florida lovebugs from getting in her face. Ugh, they were a pesky nuisance. Somewhat like Brian, who was pulling on her hair.

  She pushed his hand away and stuffed her hair further into her straw hat.

  “May I use your sunscreen?” he asked.

  That request, Karlie wouldn’t deny. She dug into her backpack for the lotion and handed it to him. Through her Gucci shades, she watched him squeeze a dollop into his hands and rub it over his body.

  “We’ll be in the kayak right behind you,” Yentl said, holding the camera.

  Karlie nodded. “Just be sure to keep a safe distance.”

  “Don’t worry,” Griffin said. “We will. We’re experienced kayakers. All will be well. Did you attach the microphone?”

  Karlie nodded and tapped at the small device on her shirt. She certainly hoped all went well. The broken harness still plagued her mind. She crooked her ears as the guide went over all the safety procedures. Despite the biting heat, she shuddered. Brian put his arms around her. She tensed up, not wanting him to touch her but too afraid to reject his assurance.

  “You can’t not talk to me,” Brian said. “I’ve said I’m sorry so many times, but if it helps, I’ll say it again.” He cleared his throat. Heedless of the cameramen and other people in the tour, Brian said, “Karlie, I’m sorry I said you needed to get laid!”

  Karlie’s mouth hung open. She knew her cheeks were bright red. From the corner of her eye, she saw Yentl turn his equipment on. No way did she want this conversation on air. She shook her head to signal Brian to shut up.

  When she saw Brian open his mouth, fear prodded her to say, “All right. All right, I forgive you. Just shut up.”

  Brian exhaled. “Thank you.” He sauntered up to the counter to pay for their double kayak and to get their paddles and life vests.

  Karlie tapped the guide on the shoulder. “Will the alligators attack?” She could not disguise the tremor in her voice.

  The young man gave her a friendly smile. “No, alligators are naturally afraid of humans. Just respect them and they’ll respect you.”

  Karlie did not know how to deal with his scripted response.

  Soon enough, Karlie and Brian took off in their kayak. The first part of the tour required energized paddling as they were going upstream. Karlie admired Brian’s powerful strokes. Sitting with him made her feel secure.

  Then she spotted her first alligator, and her heart jumped with fear. She sat as still as a statue and exhaled short, stucco breaths.

  Brian asked, “May I have some water?”

  He was a little loud for her taste. “Shh,” she pleaded, looking around. “I’m not trying to rile any of these gators.” Gosh, she had not realized there would be so many or that they would be so huge.

  “Water?” he asked.

  “I’m not trying to make any unnecessary movements,” she whispered. “You can drink when we get back to land.”

  “We have to keep hydrated.” With an exaggerated sigh, Brian reached past her to get the bottled water. He took a huge swig.

  Karlie gulped. Her throat felt parched, and she licked her lips.

  Brian bent over to put his bottle between his feet. His movements rocked the kayak.

  “Argh!” she gasped, looking around for angry gators.

  “Relax,” Brian said. “The gators are sunning and minding their business. You can check this off of things to do.”

  Karlie turned around to see Yentl and Griffin following along in their kayak and training the camera on her sweat-filled face. She cracked a brave smile. Brian gave a wave and wiggled his body to jar the boat.

  “Quit it!” Karlie squealed.

  At that moment, a gator swam close to where they were.

  “Oh, Lord,” Karlie breathed. “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil.”

  “Paddle, not pray.”

  “If there is ever a time to pray, now would be the time,” Karlie said.

  Brian stopped paddling. He brushed at his arms. “This hot is hotter than a—”

  “Brian!” Karlie interrupted. “Watch your language.”

  “I was going to say hotter than a mug.” He took another gulp of his water and crooked his head toward her. “You need to drink some water. I don’t want you getting dehydrated.”

  “I’m afraid to let go of the paddles,” Karlie said.

  “For the love of—open your mouth,” he commanded, holding the water close to her lips.

  Karlie sipped the cool liquid. On a day like today, nothing soothed thirst like water. “Thanks,” she sighed, licking her lips with gratitude.

  Suddenly, they felt a boom underneath their kayak.

  What was that? Karlie knew her eyes were wide from fright. She clutched the paddles. “Is that an alligator?”

  Somber now, Brian said, “Could be. They sometimes sun on the bottom of the river. We might have rolled over one.”

  Karlie sniffed. Her body shook as tears fell. “We’re going to get eaten by an alligator.”

  “No, we’re not.” Brian used his paddle, but the kayak wouldn’t budge. They were stuck.

  Yentl and Griffin drifted close.

  Karlie’s heart was beating so loud and fast she swore the alligators could hear it. She put a fist in her mouth. She was two seconds away from a major panic attack.

  Brian rocked the kayak back and forth.
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  “Be careful,” Karlie shrieked. “The boat might topple.”

  “Do you have another idea of how to get it moving?”

  She shook her head. The urge to pee was strong.

  “Then relax and let me do this.” Brian rocked his body. The kayak tilted dangerously to the right. Karlie moved to the left to add weight on that side.

  “Hold on tight,” Brian said, before giving the kayak a forceful rock.

  Karlie’s heart thumped. She screamed at the same time the boat slid off the gator’s back.

  “Thank you, Jesus!” she shouted.

  “You were a brave girl,” Brian said and reached over to wipe her face. Then he began to paddle. “We’re heading downstream now.”

  “Never again,” Karlie moaned clutching her stomach.

  “Hey, look on the bright side, at least nothing—”

  “Look!” Karlie pointed. “There’s a small speedboat heading straight at us.”

  Brian looked in the direction of her finger. “Hey!” he shouted. “Slow down!”

  If anything, the man inside seemed to increase his speed. Karlie and Brian furiously paddled. The end of the tour was in sight.

  “He’s not slowing down!” Karlie cried.

  “Jerk face!” Brian yelled. “Slow down!”

  Karlie and Brian’s skill levels were no match for the would-be attacker. Just as they neared the bank, the speedboat swerved away, its wake slamming into the side of the kayak and rolling it over. If they had not been securely strapped in, they would have flown out into the water.

  “Jump out!” Brian shouted, undoing his seatbelt. “We can swim the rest of the way!”

  “I’m not jumping in a river full of gators! You’ve lost your mind! Why is this happening? This is not an adventure, it’s a misadventure! I never should’ve listened to you! I’m going to die here! I want to go home!”

  Brian jumped into the water and found it was only about two feet deep. While Karlie kicked and screamed, he undid her seat belt, covered her mouth with one hand, and sprinted to the shore.

  The guide and others were there to help them to safety.

  “You’re brave!” someone said.

  “You’re a hero!”

  “Did you see that man in the speedboat?”

  Karlie’s body shook. She clutched Brian even when her feet hit the dirt. Never had she been so terrified. Then, everything went foggy. She fainted away, not knowing the camera captured every minute of the harrowing ordeal, including Brian’s tender kiss to her forehead.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “I’ve had a lot on my mind,” Ryan explained when Pastor Ward asked about his absence from services. How Pastor noticed his absence when Zion’s Hill boasted three thousand or more members was beyond him. As promised, Dianne had called to set up this mid-day Monday meeting with Pastor Ward. Ryan loosened his Burberry tie and draped it on the back of the chair.

  Seated in his chair behind the desk, Pastor Ward stared at him.

  Ryan’s excuse withered underneath that stare. The charade of pretending all was well was getting old. He needed to talk. “I’ve done something terrible, and I don’t know what to do.”

  “I’m here if you need a sounding board.”

  Ryan shifted in his seat. “I . . . I’ve been praying, but God hasn’t done what I’ve been asking Him to do.”

  Pastor laughed. “It’s been my experience that He does what He wants. His will is not our will. His ways are not our ways.”

  “I know that for sure,” Ryan said. “I mean, I keep telling God I’ll give more tithes and offerings and I’ll get involved in ministries, but does He listen to me? No!” He laughed, hoping Pastor Ward would join in. However, Pastor Ward was no longer amused.

  Slowly Ryan’s smile faded. He must have crossed some spiritual line or something.

  “We cannot bargain or tempt God, Ryan. When we become saved, we submit to His will, knowing God knows what’s best for us better than we do.”

  Properly chastised, Ryan squirmed and closed his mouth. Both men were quiet until Ryan exhaled. “I need to tell someone.”

  “You’ve got my attention.” Pastor Ward gestured with his hand.

  Ryan gathered his courage. Telling Pastor would be practice for telling his wife. Just say it. “I think my son is in love with his sister.” After he uttered the words, relief seeped through his spine. He practically sprawled in the chair. He faced the ceiling and rejoiced. “Thank God. I’ve said it aloud. I’ve been thinking and thinking, but to say it aloud is like a boulder lifting off my chest. Whew! Who knew?”

  Ryan knew he rambled, and so he stopped. He straightened and waited for Pastor Ward’s reaction.

  Pastor Ward furrowed his brow. “I think you need to start from the beginning.”

  “Now this is all before I gave my life to God,” Ryan said, adding the disclaimer. “I wasn’t saved then.”

  “I know that,” Pastor Ward said. “I was there when you got saved.”

  Ryan had a small view of what Pastor Ward was like when he was in the courtroom. Pastor Ward used to be a criminal attorney, and his cases were usually big news.

  Thinking of his own criminal actions, Ryan asked, “You’re not obligated to report me when you hear what I’ve done, are you?” He chuckled nervously.

  “I won’t know unless you tell me. So tell me what’s on your mind.” Pastor Ward relaxed against his chair. He seemed prepared to wait all night for Ryan to share.

  Ryan inhaled and squared his shoulders. “Six years ago, Tiffany Knightly—the pop singer who died of cancer—approached me. Well, let me back up. Before she was rich and famous, we had a one-night stand. Brian couldn’t have been more than two years old, and Patti was in medical school. I wanted Patti to quit and stay home to raise our son, but she’s an ambitious woman. We argued and I left the house. I met Tiffany at a bar, and we had sex.” In those few short sentences, Ryan summed up the beginning of drama in his otherwise perfect marriage.

  “I don’t know why I did it when Patti was my world. I’ve never wanted another woman besides her. Well, I ignored my guilt, and Patti and I went on with our lives.”

  Pastor Ward rose and retrieved two bottled waters from his mini-fridge. He handed one to Ryan and sat by the edge of his desk. Ryan untwisted the cap and drank, appreciating the cool contents.

  “Then Tiffany tracked me down and tells me she’s dying of lung cancer and has about a year to live. She informed me I needed to take a paternity test. Tiffany had been with four men and didn’t know which of us was the father of her teenaged daughter.” He shook his head. “I tell you I felt like a contestant on Maury Povich’s paternity show. Tiffany shook up my home with that news, but Patti was my rock. She even reached out to Karlie—that’s Tiffany’s daughter—and they became friends. Tiffany befriended Brian, who’d been messing up in school, and he straightened out.” Ryan tossed his empty water bottle into the basket by the door. “I do have that to thank her for. Tiffany put me in my place and commanded I make Brian a priority.”

  Restless, Ryan couldn’t stay in the chair. He stood and glanced Pastor Ward’s way, but Pastor Ward signaled for him to keep talking. The pastor’s impassive face didn’t give a clue as to what he was thinking. Ryan found it disconcerting to spill his guts and be unsure of his listener’s reaction. Nevertheless, he continued because he needed to talk this out.

  Ryan paced the room. “The time finally came for me to take the paternity test. Tiffany organized it, but what she didn’t know is that I paid off the tech. I paid him an obscene amount of money to give me the results first. I don’t know why I did it. I think I felt that if I knew ahead of time, I’d be able to prepare myself.” He stroked his chin. “Maybe deep down I knew Karlie was mine. I don’t know.”

  He stopped pacing and found he had Pastor Ward’s undivided attention. “The results were 99.9 percent conclusive that I was Karlie’s father.”

  Ryan pulled out a handkerchief to wipe his face. “I was stunned. Stunned
to know that a fling with someone I didn’t care about had made me a father again. I panicked. I was a horrible father to Brian. Besides my work, Patti consumed me. I had no room for more children in my life. So I bribed the tech to change the results.”

  Pastor arched an eyebrow. “Bribery is never a good idea.” He rubbed his chin. “So, Karlie and Brian have remained friends?”

  “Yes, best friends.” Ryan wiped his hands on his pants. “I must have the worst luck in the world! I couldn’t believe it, but I wasn’t concerned. Karlie was—and still is—dating Jamaal Weathers. They’ve been together all this time. I thought my secret was safe, especially when Neil and Myra Jameson adopted Karlie. They were trusted friends of Tiffany’s, and I knew she would be in good hands.”

  Ryan closed his eyes. Guilt ate at him. He was a weasel who had wormed his way out of his God-given responsibility. Since he could not look Pastor Ward in the face, Ryan wandered over to the bookshelf and scanned the plethora of Bible commentaries. He pulled a random book out and scanned the pages.

  Then he trudged on with his disgraceful tale.

  “As our children were good friends, it was inevitable that my family and Karlie’s would hang out occasionally.” He stroked his chin. “I think we were at dinner when Neil told me about Merle. Merle was Karlie’s grandmother who had rejected Tiffany and Karlie.” Ryan returned the commentary. “Pastor, are you with me? Because this is a big information dump.”

  Pastor nodded. “Yes, telling your past helps me understand your decisions of the future. Continue.”

  “Neil doesn’t want Merle involved in Karlie’s life, but my daughter has a forgiving heart. Neil told me how Merle was tormented that Karlie had Clifford’s eyes. I laughed at that ridiculous notion. I see myself in Karlie all the time. It’s downright creepy. She has a lot of my mannerisms.” He shook his head. “Genetics is amazing, you know? Anyhow, I was content to let things stay the way they were, and then I got saved. My conscience is killing me. And now that Brian concocted this crazy scheme to take Karlie on all these adventures and . . .”