My Soul Then Sings Read online

  “We want to go to Disney and meet the princesses. Mommy said she’d buy us princess dresses.” Anna’s body shook with tears.

  Patricia’s heart broke at Anna’s words. She could picture the little girl in her costume waving a wand in her hand. “Hush,” she cooed. “Close your eyes and go to sleep. When you wake up, you’ll feel better.”

  “I don’t want to sleep,” Anna pouted, then yawned. She reached over to take Alyssa’s hand before falling asleep.

  Patricia monitored them herself. Within a few hours, their fever broke. “Hallelujah,” Patricia whispered. Now stay better.

  Anna’s dream of going to Disney World solidified Patricia’s efforts. She practiced another simulation drill. Patricia had a limited time frame once they were separated. Doctors would be on standby to begin the reconstruction while she focused on their brains. She was looking at a huge team of doctors and about a hundred hours of surgery. Every detail of the surgery had to be planned and coordinated precisely or lives could be lost.

  Patricia sighed. She had better call it a night. Her brain was on overload. She exited the lab and went into her office to hang up her lab coat and retrieve her purse. On her desk were a huge bouquet and a box of chocolates.

  She smiled. Ryan’s apology. Energy surged through her body, and she rushed to read the card attached to the flowers:

  While you’re caring for the twins, don’t forget to pamper yourself. Tim.

  “What the heck is the matter with this man? Doesn’t he know that I’m married?” Geez. If Tim didn’t stop with his not-so-subtle overtures, she might have to file a harassment suit.

  Patricia sighed. She was not about to report him, though. She needed him on her surgical team, and could not show cause. It was not harassment to give someone chocolates and flowers. Had she somehow encouraged this? Was she flirting with him and didn’t know it? Tim was charming and handsome. Patricia did not think she had been flirting, but she would make sure she gave him a tongue-lashing and put him in his place.

  She played with her hair while she eyed the flowers. They were a beautiful arrangement. It would be a sin to throw them out. She read the card again.

  She picked up the chocolates, intending to toss them into the garbage can. She wasn’t much of a chocolate person. Patricia rubbed her chin as an idea formed. With an impish smile, she knew just what she had to do. She reached for a Post-it on her desk and wrote:

  Thinking of you. Patti.

  Ryan loved chocolates. She would leave them for him in his office. He’d appreciate the gesture. Patricia giggled at her regifting plan.

  Carrying the flowers and the chocolates with her, Patricia piled them into the back of her car and drove home. She pulled into the driveway and pressed the garage door opener. She groaned. Ryan’s spot was empty.

  Her cell beeped, indicating she had a text. Coincidentally, it was from Ryan giving her their flight information to Sarasota. They would leave Wednesday morning. She texted:

  Are you coming home? We need to talk.

  Patricia felt like the whiny housewife and hated it. In all her forty-four years, she never had to beg a man to be in her presence. She trudged into her house.

  Her phone beeped again. She read the incoming text message.

  Be there in five.

  Patricia brightened at the four words. Ordering takeout, she hopped in the shower and dabbed her ears, legs, and other places with Obsession. Ryan loved that scent. Hopefully, they would do some talking, and then some loving.

  The alarm tripped, alerting Patricia that Ryan was home. She shimmied into her lace nightgown. The cream color against her auburn hair would make him drool. She heard the doorbell.

  Good, the takeout had arrived.

  She rushed down the stairs and watched Ryan lay out the meal on the dining table.

  “I didn’t know what you felt up for, so I ordered a little bit of everything,” she breathed out. Why do I sound nervous? Patricia chided herself. This was her husband, not a stranger.

  Tell that to her heart which was pounding hard in her chest.

  Ryan gave her the once-over and looked at the food. “I’m not hungry . . .”

  Her shoulders drooped. She blinked to keep the tears threatening to spill at bay. Forcing herself to appear nonchalant, she blithely replied, “More for me, then.” She held her head high and strolled toward the table.

  She uncovered one of the foil containers. Her stomach felt like lead, but she was going to eat. The aromatic smells were lost on her. Patricia ate the noodles and garlic chicken with fake gusto. She felt as if she was eating rubber, but she finally finished her meal.

  Stone-faced, Ryan sat across from her. “We have an early flight. What did you want to talk about?”

  She held her fork midair. Dropping her act, an apology tore from her lips. “I’m sorry. Ryan, I can’t have things being like this between us. You’re cold and mean . . . and . . .” She hung her head. “How did we get here?”

  “I don’t like being played for a fool,” he said. His face was scrunched like an angry pit bull.

  Patricia shuddered. “I wasn’t trying to play you.” She stood and raked shaky fingers through her hair. “I made a mistake. I see that now. But I’m not the only one who lied. You’re acting as if you did nothing wrong.”

  “I know what I did was wrong, and the truth is, I’m angrier with myself for lying—for everything.” He rubbed his head. “Is there anything else you’re keeping from me?”

  Patricia toyed with the lace on her gown. She knew this was a pivotal moment where she needed to fess up to anything else. She shook her head. “No . . . No . . . Well, there is something . . .”

  He arched a brow while she sought the words. Patricia wanted to keep him talking.

  “I, I . . .” She said the first thing that came to mind. “I’m really nervous about a set of four-year-old twins who need brain separation surgery. Their names are Anna and Alyssa.” She emphasized the Anna.

  Ryan gritted his teeth. “She’s not our Anna.”

  Patricia’s heart lurched. “Yes, but if I can save her, it would be like saving Anna.”

  Ryan looked at her as if she were crazy. “Are you listening to yourself? Our daughter is gone. There is no bringing her back. There is no substitution.”

  Of course, she knew there was no bringing her daughter back. But saving this Anna would heal the rift in her heart.

  Ryan grabbed his keys. “I’ll be at the office. See you in the morning.”

  A cool wind rushed over her body. Patricia fell to her knees. Ryan was so cold and unfeeling. She lifted her head toward the flowers in the foyer. He had not even noticed the bouquet and card.

  Wiping her face, Patricia stood. She meandered her way to read the card. She had left it there to make Ryan jealous. Flipping it over, she saw his address penned on the back. Someone was a little sure of himself. But at least Tim cared. Tim understood how significant Anna was to her. Holding the card in her hand, Patricia navigated upstairs to her bedroom. She reached for her cell and dialed Tim’s number.

  “I was wondering if you saw my gift.”

  “I did,” Patricia said. “It was a thoughtful gesture.”

  “I’d like to see you sometime.”

  Patricia thought of Ryan’s rejection. Tim wanted to see her.

  What are you doing, Patricia? You can’t lead someone on because you and Ryan are at odds.

  Patricia gulped. She couldn’t bring Tim into her mess of a marriage. It wouldn’t be fair. “Tim, I’m flattered by your gestures, but let’s keep things between us professional. If you don’t . . .”

  “As you wish,” he said, and he ended the call.

  Patricia understood his curt response. She had done the right thing, she told herself.

  Then how come she did not feel right?

  Chapter Twenty

  Miles away that same Tuesday morning, Karlie pleaded with Jamaal. “Please don’t be upset with me.”

  “I’m not upset,” Jamaal
said. “It’s your life if you want to throw it away. I can’t help but feel you chose Brian over me.”

  “I didn’t choose Brian. I chose myself.”

  The couple stood at the checkpoint inside the Sarasota Bradenton International Airport. They had thirty minutes to spare for his seven a.m. flight. The airport was quiet. Only a handful of travelers were present.

  Karlie insisted on accompanying Jamaal to the airport against his wishes. She detested the way things were between them and hoped they would use the wait time to talk. Jamaal had other plans. He moved toward the entrance to the gate.

  “You don’t have to rush,” Karlie said, pointing toward the empty space. “There’s no line at this hour.”

  “I want to go,” he said. He chucked his chin in the universal sign of good-bye before walking off.

  “No kiss good-bye?” she quietly asked. Karlie had never had to beg for kisses before.

  Jamaal paused midstride. Her sad tone must have touched him, and he returned to stand before her. His strong arms crushed her to him. Jamaal gave Karlie a proper send-off, and Karlie savored the sweet taste of his lips. Something about it tugged at her heartstrings and a tear slid down her face.

  Is he saying good-bye, she wondered.

  Panicked, Karlie broke the kiss. She held his cheeks in her hands. “This is not the end for us. I need you to understand that.”

  Jamaal shoved his hands into his pockets. He pretended as if her words hadn’t affected him. Then with a sarcastic edge to his voice, he declared, “This is not the time nor the place. When you find the time, we need to talk.”

  She wasn’t going to let Jamaal guilt-trip her for pursuing her dream. “Listen, we’re important to me, but I’ve got to do this. Music is in my blood. It’s my passion and a part of my DNA. I can’t come home. I have to make my dreams a reality.”

  “Dreams Brian put into your head.” Jamaal glared. “He’s only in this for himself. I hope you know he doesn’t care about you. I do.”

  “He does care,” Karlie said. “That’s why he’s doing this. For me.” She resisted the urge to stomp her foot. She was too old to throw a tantrum. She looked down and made circles on the floor with her feet. “I’ve always supported you in everything. When you wanted to do stepping, I’m at almost all your events. You’re on the basketball team, and I’m cheering you on. Why can’t you do the same for me? Say what you will about Brian, but he’s in my corner.” Karlie raised her head to look at him. “Jamaal, we could’ve spent time together and gone out and done something fun last night, but you spent the whole time ranting about Brian and me. It’s getting old.”

  With a furious whisper, Jamaal addressed her through gritted teeth. “It has everything to do with Brian. You’re crushing on him and he’s a player. He’s messed about with two women for months and you turn a blind eye. You shouldn’t even be friends with him knowing his lifestyle. You should be preaching God to him, but instead, you laugh in his face.”

  Karlie clutched her chest. “I’ve got news for you. Jesus was a friend to the lowest of the low. Being friends with Brian doesn’t mean I condone his behavior. I’ve known him for years, and I do talk about God with him. Brian’s not saved. He’s—”

  Jamaal cut her off. “There you go defending him again. If it were anyone else . . .” He drew a breath, “But it’s Brian. Newsflash. I’m not stupid. I can see the chemistry between the two of you. Heck, the entire world has seen it at this point. You two are all over each other like leeches, and I’m sick of it.” Jamaal stalked toward the passengers’ only sign.

  Watching the stubborn set of his stride, Karlie’s heart constricted. These were days where anything could happen. She did not want the last words spoken between them to be, “I’m sick of it.”

  Karlie shouted, “I love you!”

  Jamaal kept walking.

  Dejected, Karlie stormed outside to hail a cab. She knew he’d heard her. Jamaal could have at least said he loved her too, instead of leaving her high and dry. How she wished he would drop the whole I-think-you’re-in-love-with-Brian episode so they could move on. However, she knew from experience once Jamaal had an idea in his head, it was difficult to persuade him otherwise.

  A cabbie pulled in front of her, and she got inside. Her cell buzzed.

  I love you.

  Instantly her anger evaporated like ice in the Florida sun. She had a smile the size of a Cheshire cat on her face after receiving Jamaal’s text. Before she could respond, he sent another:

  I’m trying.

  Hope rose. He was communicating, even if it was through text. Karlie’s fingers flew across the keyboard as she texted him back:

  I know. I need you in my corner.

  Within seconds, a reply popped up on her screen:

  I need you too. I wish you had let me show you last night.

  Ugh! This was the real reason he had reached out. To air his other grievance. This man was going to make her yank her hair out. He had a one-track mind.

  In time. Be patient.

  Don’t give him what’s mine.

  Karlie’s mouth fell open. Forget the truce. She was ready to go off, but the cab slowed in front of the hotel. She paid the fare and exited the cab.

  As soon as she could, she sent:

  That was uncalled for. Stop that!

  Karlie swept through the doors and nodded at the hotel clerk. Another buzz came through:

  Gotta go. Time to board. Watch the video.

  Why? Karlie meandered toward the elevator. Why was it so important to Jamaal that she review the clip? Curious, Karlie pulled up the YouTube video. She relived her and Brian’s debacle in the water while trying to remain objective. She wanted to see it from an outsider’s point of view. What did Jamaal see?

  To her chagrin, Yentl captured the terror on her face, but then the camera zoomed in on Brian’s expression. Karlie saw the grit and determination on Brian’s face. She registered how he swooped her into his powerful arms. Glued to the screen, Karlie held her chest as Brian pounded through the alligator-infested waters with her grabbing on tight.

  After the rescue, she fainted. That was one moment she wished was not on display. Brian’s forehead kiss made her heart constrict. Brian had done that plenty of times. It was the tender, unguarded moment. Maybe that was what Jamaal saw.

  She read several comments. Apparently, people thought something was up between them and rooted for their “relationship.” Karlie clicked off. She needed to set the record straight. This wasn’t a Chad Murray-Sophia Bush connection like One Tree Hill.

  Karlie opened the door to her suite. Eager to speak with Brian, she walked toward the connecting door. Pressing her ear against the door, she heard distinct groans. She tried to open the door quietly and discovered it was locked. Maybe he has someone in his room. She could not go barging inside.

  She looked at her watch. It was only half-past-seven. She would give him until after nine. Twiddling her thumbs, Karlie grabbed her Bible and returned to her bed. Not once would she admit that she felt as if she were on the wrong side of the door.

  Hours later, Karlie pounded on the connecting door. “Brian, you’ve been holed up in there all morning. Let me in.”

  “I’ll come see you in a little bit,” he yelled through the door.

  “Do you have someone in there?” she asked, hoping she didn’t come off sounding jealous.

  “What? No.”

  Karlie rested her head against the door. “Yentl told me you canceled our mudding expedition for a couple days.”

  “Something came up. I need to . . . think.”

  As she trudged from the door toward her bedroom, she could have sworn she heard a groan, but Karlie let it go. She moped for a minute before opening her MacBook. She might as well Skype home. Her father answered.

  “It feels so good seeing your face,” Neil said.

  Karlie smiled. “Where’s Addie?”

  “She’s spending the night with her new best friend.”

  Karlie lau
ghed. Addie changed best friends like socks. “What does this make now? Best friend number six?”

  Neil nodded. “How are things going with Brian?”

  Karlie thought for a moment. If she hadn’t just seen the video, her response would’ve been less guarded. As it was, she provided a bland update. “Pretty good. We were offered a television show.”

  “You don’t sound too excited about it.”

  “I’m thrilled,” Karlie said. She should have known her father would see through her farce. She weighed her words before speaking. “It’s just I’m worried about doing a show with Brian when he can be a little . . . unreliable.”

  Neil’s eyebrows arched. “Unreliable? Why do you say that?”

  Karlie touched the bridge of her nose. “Maybe unreliable isn’t the word I’m looking for. Brian gets into these moods where he closes off from everyone and me. He usually bounces back after a day or two, but I don’t know how that will pan out if we have a television show with deadlines.”

  Neil nodded. “You know my preference would be for you to finish your degree. I really wish you’d avoid the entire Hollywood scene, but you have to follow your heart. I’ve been praying for you both nonstop, and I just have to trust God.”

  Karlie bit her lip. She hated feeling as if she had disappointed Neil, but she had to listen to her inner voice. “I feel this is where God is leading me. I was meant to do this, Dad. Please understand.”

  Neil softened. “Okay, honey. I’m here for you always. However, you need to have a fierce conversation with Brian. The last thing I want is a phone call telling me that you’re being sued or something because you guys failed to live up to your commitment.”

  He is so right.